Marriage—Ups, Downs, and All-Arounds

Fidelity and physical intimacy.  There is so much taboo around this topic.  It is very healthy to read from appropriate sources about sexual intimacy and to talk about it as well.  It is a gift from God and one that we don’t understand enough about. I am going to rely heavily on sources in this post as I want to share correct knowledge with you about this subject. In the article, “They Twain Shall Be One” by Brent A. Barlow, he says, “Some people still believe that sexual intimacy is a necessary evil by which we have children. These people get an inaccurate view from parents who were too embarrassed to discuss such matters with their children or who were so concerned that their children live the law of chastity that they taught only the negative consequences of the improper use of intimacy.” (1986).   This can have such a poor effect on people when they hold this belief.   When they get to marriage, the thing that is ordained of God, seems to be a sin to people.   This is heart

You have always had the dream of running the Boston Marathon and it is something you have expressed to your partner before.   Every time you bring it up, they get upset and say that it is a waste of time and money to travel all the way to Boston just to run a silly race.   What he doesn’t know is what this race symbolizes for you.   It symbolizes to you that you can accomplish anything.   It is a race your grandfather raced in and did well, and he is your idol after all!   Your partner doesn’t see this and thinks it is a silly goal.   Every time this issue is brought up it creates more and more tension.   Sound familiar?   This is just one example of what John Gottman would refer to as a “gridlocked problem.”   He says that, “all gridlocked disagreements share four characteristics: 1.        You’ve had the same argument again and again with no resolution 2.        Neither of you can address the issue with humor, empathy, or affection 3.        The issue is becoming in

Conflict is an inevitable aspect of any relationship, especially any marital relationship.   When you choose to be in a long-term relationship you know beforehand that there are bound to be at least a few disputes. I have always been told that when I decide on someone, I am choosing an imperfect person with many problems. But, choose the person with the problems you can handle, not that are out of your range too much. John Gottman quotes Dan Wile who wrote the book After the Honeymoon says, “When choosing a long-term partner…you will inevitably be choosing a particular set of unsolvable problems that you’ll be grappling with for the next ten, twenty, or fifty years” (Gottman, 2015, p. 139).   There are different kinds of conflict.   There are gridlocked problems and solvable problems.   Gottman states, “One way to identify solvable problems is that they seem less painful, gut-wrenching, or intense than perpetual, gridlocked ones.   That’s because when you argue over a solvable pr

This week I would like to talk about pride.   The definition for pride in the dictionary is, “a feeling or deep pleasure or satisfaction derived from one's own achievements, the achievements of those with whom one is closely associated, or from qualities or possessions that are widely admired.” (Dictionary.com) Pride is something that we all struggle with and harms us more than I think we understand.   According to President Benson (1989):   Pride is a sin that can readily be seen in others but is rarely admitted in ourselves. Most of us consider pride to be a sin of those on the top, such as the rich and the learned, looking down at the rest of us. (See 2 Ne. 9:42.) There is, however, a far more common ailment among us—and that is pride from the bottom looking up. It is manifest in so many ways, such as faultfinding, gossiping, backbiting, murmuring, living beyond our means, envying, coveting, withholding gratitude and praise that might lift another, and being unforgivin