Marriage—Ups, Downs, and All-Arounds

There they go, the new couple who were just sealed for time and all eternity leaving the temple grounds.   What a special time it is for them at the beginning of their lives together.   Time goes on and they begin to get too comfortable and become complacent in their relationship.   Neither spouse is seeking to make the other the priority and they are very selfish in their actions and decisions.   Sound familiar? I really hope this doesn’t. So many couples become content and take for granted their marriage and their spouse?   How do we continue to make them a priority?   John Gottman explains that we need to have a developed “Love Map” of our partner.   Gottman explains, “emotionally intelligent couples are intimately familiar with each other’s world.   I call this having a richly detailed love map—my term for that part of your brain where you store all of the relevant information about your partner’s life” (2015, p. 54).   It is important to understand the details of your partne

Welcome back to another post!   This week we are talking about the importance of staying emotionally connected with your spouse.   It is easy to let the little things get in the way of connecting with our spouse.   Whether that be an irritation we have with them, our cell phones, work, exhaustion, frustration, or to-do lists (this one is my blockade to connection).   Often, we see these things as the most important rather than our eternal companion who is literally the most important thing in the world (after God of course).   I have loved reading about this this week, and I can’t wait to dive in.   Here we go! In The Seven Principles for Making marriage Work by John M. Gottman, he shares the importance of turning towards each other.   He explains that when we turn toward our partner, mutual trust is built.   He also says that true romance, “is kept alive each time you let your spouse know he or she is valued during the grind of every day life” (Gottman, 2015, p. 88).   G

Welcome back!  This week we are talking about behaviors that negatively affect marriage.  Marriage can be a tough union and require a lot of patient, work, and love.  There are so many things that can go wrong, but there are so many things that can go right!  It all depends on the kind of work you decide to put into your marriage. John M. Gottman, PH.D., and Nan Silver wrote a book called The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.  In this book, he describes that he can predict whether a couple will divorce or not with a 90% success rate!  He studied hundreds of couples and came up with some challenges that marriages face. First, he begins by saying that friendship is what keeps your marriage healthy.  He states, “Friendship fuels the flames of romance because it offers the best protection against feeling adversarial toward your spouse” (Gottman, 2015, p. 22).  It is important that that friendship is there all throughout your marriage. Gottman describes that there are four h

This week we are talking about covenant marriage.   When a man and woman are sealed in the temple for time and all eternity, this is a covenantal marriage.   There is a promise between man and wife to each other and to God during this sealing.   This covenantal marriage requires that both the husband and the wife give 100% to each other and to their marriage (Hafen, 1996). In a first presidency message given by President Ezra Taft Benson in 1986 entitled, “What I Hope You Would Teach Your Children about the Temple” He outlines blessings that come when we can attend the temple: “Now let me say something else to all who can worthily go to the House of the Lord. When you attend the temple and perform the ordinances that pertain to the House of the Lord, certain blessings will come to you: • You will receive the spirit of Elijah, which will turn your hearts to your spouse, to your children, and to your forebears. • You will love your family with a deeper love than you h

Marriage is an extremely controversial topic these days.   It seems to be in every night of the news, in many political discussions, as well as in many church discussions.   The legalization of gay marriage since 2015 has caused a very large reaction not only in our country but throughout the world. In a commencement speech at BYU given by Russell M. Nelson on August 14, 2014 he shares that, “In short, as disciples, each of us will be put to the test. At any hour of any day we have the privilege of choosing between right and wrong. This is an age-old battle that started in a premortal realm. And that battle is becoming more intense every day. Your individual strength of character is needed now more than ever before.”   I believe this is true and can now see the importance of what he was talking about.   Just one year later, gay marriage was legalized.   Our prophets, apostles, seers, and revelators really do warn us about what the tumultuous times ahead of us will bring.   I think