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Family Crises and Coping


Hey everyone!  This week’s topic is about Family Crises and Coping.  Everyone in their lifetime will experience multiple crises within a family.  These can range from diagnosis of a serious illness, loss of a child, loss of a parent, loss of a job, house fires, divorce, or cheating.  Crises come far and wide to all and they can be life-shaking and completely alter your family situations.

Stress can be both good and bad.  There are many different types of stressors and in a crisis, there are bound to be many that combined to form this event. Stressors put a strain on relationships and families.  Under stress, we tend to revert to what is familiar (either ways our parents handled stress or ways we learned to handle it). There are a couple of things that will determine the way we handle the stressors.  1. The way we define it and 2. How we cope with it.  Whatever you do in the face of a crisis is a coping pattern. 

There are many different types of coping patterns.  Some are helpful during a crisis and some are ineffective.  I will list them below and maybe you can begin to identify what you have done in the past or what you are currently doing:

1.       Denial (ineffective): people won’t believe what they observe.  Only when this is a temporary measure that enables family members to mobilize resources is it useful.
2.       Avoidance (ineffective): knowing/admitting there is a problem but not confronting it. Sleep-coping would be an example of this.  Running away from your problems in any form can be considered avoidance.
3.       Scapegoating (ineffective): choosing a victim of a crisis and victimize them even more (choose someone to blame
4.       Take Responsibility (effective): this may include confrontations
5.       Affirm your own and your families’ worth (effective)
6.       Balance self-concern w/ other-concern (effective)
7.       Reframing: redefining the meaning of something; a way of changing your perspective (effective)
8.       Find and use available resources (effective) 

In class we discussed the limbic system and its role in stress.  To understand the point I will make in a little bit, let me explain a little bit about the limbic system.  Of course, I am going to put a quote below to help us dive into this topic and then I will add my explanation.  Good old Wikipedia says:

The limbic system, also known as the paleomammalian cortex, is a set of brain structures located on both sides of the thalamus, immediately beneath the medial temporal lobe of the cerebrum primarily in the midbrain. It supports a variety of functions including emotion, behavior, motivation, long-term memory, and olfaction. Emotional life is largely housed in the limbic system, and it critically aids the formation of memories.

In simple terms, the limbic system is your autopilot.  It takes over in emergency situations.  It isn’t danger itself that turns this on however.  It is the PERCEPTION of danger that turns it on.  Imagine you’re at a scary movie and someone screams and makes you jump.  What has just happened?  Your heart rate increases, your eyes dilate, your breathing increases, your blood circulation leaves the limbs, your digestion slows down, and your reflex speed increases.  These are all very helpful if you have to run away from a zombie or a bear, or when you are in an accident, or when there is a situation that requires you to turn on your fight or flight mode. 

Image result for limbic system

However, stress, especially during times of family crisis, arouse these same things within us.  Your body goes into fight/flight mode.  Often, we hear this termed as anxiety.  Anxiety is a natural, normal, healthy response to a perception of danger.  It is important that you learn how to cope with anxiety.  One book my teacher recommended to us is entitled “When Panic Attacks” by David D. Burns MD.  I will link it below.  If you have dealt with anxiety and have wanted ways in which to ease its effect on you, check out this book:

https://www.amazon.com/When-Panic-Attacks-Drug-Free-Anxiety/dp/076792083X

What are different crises you have faced in your own families?  What ways did you handle it?  Were some more effective than others?  Let me know your thoughts in the comments below.  Make it a great week everyone!












https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limbic_system




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