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Sexual Intimacy


Hey everyone!  This week’s subject is sexual intimacy.  This is a topic that makes many people uncomfortable, but it is such an important part of marriage that isn’t discussed enough.  In the culture of our church, we often frame sexual intimacy to be an inherently bad thing and we don’t discuss it and make it a comfortable subject like we should.  This is causing an array of issues because once people do get married and are allowed to have those relations with one another, they feel that it is wrong and dirty instead of an opportunity to grow closer to each other and closer to God.


In both my family relations class and in the preparation for marriage class that I took last fall, they both recommended reading And They Were Not Ashamed and Knowing Her Intimately: 12 Keys for Creating a Sextraordinary Marriage by Laura M. Brotherson before getting married.  She is a LDS author and helps bring the topic of sexual intimacy to life in a tasteful yet still very informational way.  Both of my professors recommended reading this just about a month before the wedding and talking about it with your fiancé in a public place just a few days before the wedding, so you don’t have too much time to have those high hormones before the wedding. 

If you are not getting married soon, do not discuss this topic because it will create sexual feelings.  If you are close to getting married, I would recommend these books:

https://www.amazon.com/They-Were-Not-Ashamed-Strengthening/dp/1587830345/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_14_t_0?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=PSN6H4K57MJJE3G0W246

https://www.amazon.com/Knowing-HER-Intimately-Creating-Sextraordinary/dp/0978586794

She has also put out some amazing articles on sexual intimacy that I will link below.  I believe that it is important to begin talking about this topic because the more we are well informed by good sources, the less we will seek out unreliable information elsewhere.  

https://latterdaysaintmag.com/raising-the-bar-on-intimate-relationships/

https://latterdaysaintmag.com/raising-the-bar-on-intimate-relationships/\

In these articles, she shares two charts of what healthy sexual relationships vs. unhealthy sexual relationships look like:



The cool thing about these charts is she goes and describes each of them in her articles about what it looks like and I believe this is a valuable resource for those whose parents didn’t talk to them about these kinds of things.

There are two other topics I would like to briefly touch on.  The first is preventing affairs.  Often marriages fail because of affairs.  There are many preventative measures to affairs.  Some people think that it isn’t an affair until you have had sexual relations with someone else.  This is false.  Most, if not all, of affairs begin with an emotional affair.  This happens any time you decide to share personal feelings or situations with another who is not your spouse.  When deep feelings are shared, you become attached and it creates a bond.  This can lead you in some sticky situations.  Never ever share things with others that you haven’t first talked to your spouse about and avoid spending time alone with people of the opposite sex, no matter what.  Always try and have your spouse present.  Unfriend all of your past relationships on all social media.  So many affairs begin with rekindling an old flame online.  Don’t take the risk.  Also allow your spouse access to all of your social media accounts.  You should have absolutely nothing to hide if you are being 100% faithful.  If you ever find yourself looking forward to someone of the opposite gender’s company or to receiving attention to them, that is a good sign you are in the beginning of an emotional affair.

Also, do not listen to the opposite gender’s problems, you can’t help them anyway.  If you have good friends that are of the opposite gender that you want to stay in contact with, always have them text your spouse (the one that is the same gender) and let your spouse be involved.  This will get rid of all sticky situations and still allow you to have a relationship with your friends.  I really love this idea. 

The last topic I would like to briefly mention is talking to your kids (or your future kids) about sexual intimacy.  The fist thing that I want to mention is that if you don’t talk to your children plenty about this topic and make it a comfortable subject, your children will go elsewhere to find the information.  This may be the internet or friends.  I think everyone would rather have their kids have accurate information, so they don’t risk any addictions.  The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints has put out an amazing Resource entitled “A Parent’s guide” that outlines how to talk to your children about sexual intimacy.  If you are parents, I highly recommend checking this out:

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/a-parents-guide/title-page?lang=eng

Have an amazing week everyone!

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