Power in Family Relationships

This week we are talking about power in family relationships and how to become one with our spouse.  It used to be that in previous decades, the man had the most power in the family.  He made all of the important decisions, decided what the wife and children did, and had the final say in most matters.  However, in recent times we have seen this trend change.  Over time, the roles have shifted, and families are becoming either more equal, or the woman is trying to gain power.  This is due to the rise in feminism.

So what are we supposed to do?  How is the power shared in the family relationship?  I am so glad you asked.  In the article, “Who Is the Boss? Power Relationships in Families” (2008) by Richard B. Miller, PhD, director of the School of Family Life Brigham Young University, He shares some points to consider:

1.       Parents are the leaders in families:  He says that there should be a clear hierarchy between parents and children.  He shares, “Do not be afraid to set clear moral standards and guidelines. Be sure to say no when it is needed. As Dr. John Rosemond counseled: “Give your children regular, daily doses of Vitamin N. This vital nutrient consists simply of the most character-building two-letter word in the English language––‘'No’ . . . Unfortunately, many, if not most, of today’s children suffer from Vitamin N deficiency. They have been over-indulged by well-meaning parents who have given them far too much of what they want and far too little of what they truly need” (John Rosemond’s Six-Point Plan for Raising Happy, Healthy Children [Kansas City, MO.: Andrews & McMeel, 1989], p. 114) (Joe J. Christensen, Ensign, November 1993, p. 11).”

2.       Parents must be united in their leadership.  He says that parents should confide in places to make sure they are on the same page.  Don’t let your children pit you against your spouse.  You should be united in your decisions and your child is not the dictator of those decisions

3.       The parent-child hierarchy dissolves when children become adults. He said that this means that children are to rule over themselves when they become adults.  Parents no longer have a say on how they live their lives.

4.       The marital relationship should be a partnership.  Miller shares, “Joint decision making, sharing marital powers, perceptions of both self and partner doing a fair share of family work, and a feeling of equity appear to be positively related to marital and relationship satisfaction (Dr. Ross Eshleman, The Family, 2003, p. 331).”  He gives some subpoints,

a.       Husbands and wives are equals

b.       Husbands and wives have different responsibilities, but they function as equals.

c.       A husband’s role as patriarch gives him the responsibility to serve his wife and family.

d.       Husbands and wives work together as partners.

There is a lot that goes into finding the balance of power in your relationship with your spouse.  If we follow the principles outlined above, and pray to include the enabling power of the atonement, we will be able to find a balance that will serve us and our families well. 

References:

Miller, R. B. (2008, March 28). Who Is the Boss? Power Relationships in Families R. Retrieved December 2, 2019, from https://byui.instructure.com/courses/66590/files/17049508/preview